


How to stuff a mushroom

by longhairshortfuse



Series: food based fics [3]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, Pre-OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:58:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4353365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos offers to make dinner for Cecil to celebrate being back for a whole month.<br/>It does not go well. Can Cecil's best friend, chef Harlan help?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to stuff a mushroom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [psychosomatic86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychosomatic86/gifts).



> The bones of the story emerged during a chat with the lovely psychosomatic86, but it took a while to settle on how I wanted it to end.

It was Carlos's idea that to celebrate their one-month anniversary of his return, he should cook them both dinner. "Something special. Something neither of us has had before. That way it will be a new memory of the time we had something new and it was awesome. Or... not. Either way, scientifically speaking, it will be a memorable occasion."  
Cecil laughed. "And that's good, right?"  
Carlos smiled, kissed Cecil and said to come right home after work.

Choosing a recipe gave Carlos a headache. Cecil did not have any recipe books other than an autographed copy of _LaShawn's Ways With Flesh_ which was not really all that suitable for a vegan. Carlos flicked through the pages, noting the ones with dog-eared corners and stains. He chose three possibilities and reached for his phone.

It was not a number he had ever called before. It was a number Carlos found scribbled in unfamiliar handwriting at the bottom of the stickiest page. There was not a name but Carlos knew who it was likely to be. He dialled. A young voice answered. A quiet, tremulous, "hello-o-o?"  
Carlos frowned at the floor. "Hello? Um, is your dad home?"  
The small voice again. "Yes."  
Carlos smiled, trying not to laugh. "Are you Roger? Can I speak with your dad? Tell him it's Carlos..."  
"The Scientist? Okay," Carlos heard a clunk. "DAAAAAAAAAD! IT'S UNCLE CECIL'S SCIENTIST BOOOOOOYFRIEND FOR YOOOOOOOU!" 

Carlos closed his eyes, shook his head and smiled. A moment later, a different, deeper voice filled his ear. "Hi, hello, Carlos?"  
"Hi Earl? I--"  
The chef's voice cut over his. "Is there a problem? Is Ceece okay?"  
"Yes!" Carlos's voice rose then he calmed a little. "I mean, no. There is a problem but Cecil is just fine. I need to ask your advice--"  
"About Ceece?"  
"No, about food. I said I'd make something nice for dinner to celebrate me being back for a whole month." Carlos sighed. "But I don't know how to adapt any of his favourite recipes from LaShawn's recipe book. I found your number at the bottom of one of the pages. I thought I would call and ask..."  
Earl cut Carlos short again. "I see. You were gone for a long time, weren't you? You're a scientist and Ceece says you are very self-reliant so I guess you'll work something out. Yourself."  
Carlos listened to a few seconds of silence before adding a small, "Oh."  
Earl, unseen, rolled his eyes and huffed. "Tell you what, Tourniquet is starting a new service, we're keeping real quiet about it because it is _very_ exclusive but I'll make an exception for Ceece. I'll ask Chef Mason to add his address to our special list. There's no menu and no choice, you will get whatever is the least popular dish of the evening made in your own kitchen by one of our chefs. Text if you need food later. I don't want Ceece going without eating properly again."

Carlos listened to the sound of Earl disconnecting the call, sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He slammed the recipe book shut and thumped it back onto the shelf. He wrenched open the store cupboard and scowled at the contents. His face softened as he pulled out ingredients, and by the time he surveyed the range of dried beans, spices and canned things he couldn’t quite identify, he was smiling, stroking his chin and saying _hmm._.

The scientist checked the time and got to work. He had about three hours. Carlos turned on the radio for company. Cecil’s show wasn’t on yet, Carlos listened to _Electro-pop of ‘83 with D.O.M._ and danced around the kitchen. He fast-boiled the beans for ten minutes, drained them, added the contents of a couple of the cans and a carefully measured but generous quantity of each colourful powder from Cecil’s collection of unlabelled little jars. Eyes watering slightly, Carlos put the lid on the cast iron pan and transferred it to the oven just as he heard Cecil’s voice emanating from the kitchen radio. Carlos listened and smiled.

_Listeners? Tonight is one month since the opening, and closing, night of the New Old Opera House, and therefore also one month since our favourite scientist returned from the Dog Park! He is making dinner for us to celebrate and he said he has a nice surprise for me after dinner too. It is nice to be on the receiving end of something pleasantly surprising, against the backdrop of comfortable familiarity from a steady, loving relationship. Oh, I wonder what it could be?_

Carlos facepalmed. “Oh, you blabbermouth!” He spoke aloud to the radio. “Please don’t speculate—“

_Ha! Listeners? I bet Carlos is right now calling me a blabbermouth, going red and begging his radio to be more discreet. Last time we had a one month celebration he gave me his watch. I am still wearing it, I often lose my sense of time when I stare into those oscillating googly eyes…_

Carlos listened to a few seconds of dead air. “Ceece!” He rattled the radio. “C’mon back, babe!”

_Uh, listeners? It appears that when time stands still for me it does, in fact, march relentlessly on for others, or meander aimlessly if that’s what suits your mood…_

Carlos grinned and shook his head. He imagined Cecil sitting in his booth, talking to his microphone as if his was the only voice in the universe. He carried the radio into the living room and set it down on the coffee table before reclining on the sofa, musing on the idea of going to the station to deliver Cecil’s celebratory surprise a little early. 

Carlos’s very pleasant daydream ended with the wrong kind of bang.

He shot off the sofa and ran into the kitchen. The oven door hung on its hinges and grey-brown smoke belched from the interior. Carlos opened the back door and held his sleeve over his mouth and nose, struggling to see as he blinked rapidly to dissipate his tears. Carlos flicked off the wall switch above the cooker to isolate the oven, fanned the fumes with a tea-towel, peered through the gloom into the remains of the iron casserole dish, coughed and retreated to the yard.

Carlos pulled out his phone and sent a text.  
_help, please, for Cecil_

Carlos paced the yard, waiting until the atmosphere in the kitchen was close to habitable once more. He checked his phone and swore quietly. Cecil would be finishing his show soon. Carlos’s head turned at movement from the side of the house. A voice called to him.  
“Hi, hello, there was no answer at the front door.”  
Carlos frowned then relaxed, letting relief and nerves take over in equal proportion. “Uh, Earl?” The man nodded. Carlos offered a handshake. “I think I ruined dinner. I was making a spicy bean casserole and… well. It did not turn out as I predicted.”

Earl surveyed the devastation. He whistled one low note. “That’s an understatement. What ingredients did you use?”  
Carlos stood behind the chef. “Just stuff from the store-cupboards. I did not expect… this.”  
Earl walked into the kitchen. “Show me exactly what you did.”  
Carlos arranged jars and packets on the kitchen table. Earl laughed. “Oh glowing cloud, you do know you have to soak dried beans overnight? And you used… Oh! Oh dear. You used both of these?” Earl held up two jars. Carlos nodded.  
“How much?” Carlos shrugged, silently miming spoonfuls.  
Earl snorted. “There’s your problem. You should never use those two together.” 

Carlos sighed. “What do I do, Earl? Cecil is due home real soon and I wanted a nice surprise for him, not this mess!”  
Earl smiled. “Yes, I heard the first part of his show. I… I’ll help you. For his sake. I want Cecil to be happy and, for some reason I will never fathom, he seems to be happy with you. You clear up here, get the hob working, and I will teach you how to make something he likes.”  
Carlos’s face crumpled and he hugged Earl. Earl stepped back, laughing. “Whoa, okay. Back in a minute.”

Carlos decided all he could do with the oven was close it and tape it shut. He turned the power back on and tested the hob, it still worked. Earl reappeared as Carlos wiped down the worktops.  
“I brought everything.” He set two bags on the table and clattered a wide, shallow pan on the hob. Carlos thought he saw one of the bags move, but Earl held it still and hit it once, hard. "The mushrooms are lively. The big ones get like that sometimes."

Carlos looked at the ingredients Earl unpacked. There were the biggest mushrooms Carlos had ever seen, pale caps with deep brown gills underneath and firm stems. Carlos took the one Earl handed to him, it smelled of earth and pepper.  
"Mmm, where did you get these?" Carlos closed his eyes and inhaled again.  
Earl laughed. "I can't tell you that! If I tell you any of Chef Mason's secrets, I'll be main course when he finds out."  
Carlos pointed at the second bag beside the mushrooms. "What's in there?"  
"Hmm, let's see." Earl removed objects one at a time. "Mastodon garlic, spiked parsley, olive oil but not the extra virgin stuff because I want you to... I want Cecil to be able to taste the garlic untainted. And a bottle of something that should be chilled." Earl opened the fridge, pulled a face and closed it again. "Seriously? Carlos? You have sealed boxes labelled _science_ in the fridge?"

Carlos shrugged and nodded. "I should check on them." He took a box but Earl lifted it out of his hand and replaced it on the shelf.  
"You're planning on doing science when you should be making dinner for _your boyfriend?"_ Earl stood with his back against the fridge door and his arms out.  
Carlos frowned and opened his mouth, but closed it. "No, of course not. Um, what kind of boyfriend would I be if, haha, if I, um, did science on a special occasion like this?"  
Earl watched Carlos's eyes drift back to the fridge door. He sighed. "Clouds above us, will it take long?" He saw the look of relief and joy on Carlos's face and smiled. "Does Cecil let you do science whenever you want? He will be home soon, right?"  
Carlos grinned. "Yes! I suppose these can wait."

Earl showed Carlos how to stuff mushrooms. They stood side by side at the worktop, pulling off stalks and chopping them. Carlos admired Earl's knife handling skills. Earl explained he'd been scoutmaster and knife skills had come in useful.  
"Look, I only got a couple of scars from being too slow with my knife." Earl watched Carlos cutting with precision and grace, but not haste, and raised his chef's tunic, Carlos put down his knife and examined the parallel scars on Earl's chest. He raised his eyebrows and traced the scars with two fingertips. Earl shivered.  
"Wow! What did that?"  
"Mm, spiderwolf. I scared it off though." Earl resumed chopping.  
"Will you show me how to use my knife like that?" Carlos pointed his knife at Earl's hands.  
Earl frowned. "Oh it takes a lot of practice. A _lot._ " Carlos pouted for a second and sighed. Earl smiled. "Hey, hold the knife like this." Carlos studied Earl's grip and tried to copy. "No, loosen up. Here, may I?" Earl put his knife down and hovered his hand above Carlos's.  
"Uh? Oh! yes, that will help."  
Earl stood behind Carlos, clasping Carlos's hand around the knife. He put his other hand around Carlos, steadying the hand that held the mushroom stalk.  
"Ready?"  
"Scientifically speaking, I am no more or less ready than... ha!"

Carlos laughed as Earl guided his hands faster and faster. Once the mushroom stalks and garlic were chopped, Earl slid his hands up Carlos's arms to his shoulders and rested there for a moment.  
"You could be good at this, if you practise. Okay, next, heat the pan. Fry the chopped stuff, add herbs and tomato. You do it, I'll stay here watching to make sure you get it right."

Earl watched closely over Carlos's shoulder, talking him through the recipe step by step, occasionally taking a hand off Carlos's shoulder to point or help if Carlos asked or hesitated. Soon, Carlos had a pan full of stuffed mushrooms. Carlos beamed, Earl stood beside him to admire Carlos and his work. Carlos looked at his phone.  
"He should be home by now. You say Cecil likes this? He has never mentioned it."  
Earl put an arm around Carlos's shoulder and hugged. "He will, trust me. You'll see why I promise. They will stay warm for a while."

A cough from the door made Earl drop his arm and both cooks turned. Cecil leaned against the door frame with a slight frown clouding his face.  
"I'm glad you two are getting along. Umm, please don't let me interrupt _too_ much."  
"Ceece, you're home! Uh, there was a problem with dinner but Earl came to the rescue. He showed me how to make something he says is one of your favourites."  
Cecil nodded. "Mmhmmhmm, I can smell something better than usual despite the slight undertone of charred metal. Earl, you are staying for dinner too?"  
Earl frowned. Carlos looked at Cecil, who nodded just slightly. Carlos backed Ccil's invitation with his own.  
"Yes, please stay. If you have time."  
Earl looked from Cecil's slight smile to Carlos's manic grin. "Maybe. You two go say hello to each other. I'll serve."  
Cecil smirked _yes, chef Harlan!_ and left the kitchen.

Carlos followed Cecil from the kitchen, through the dining room and under the arch into the living room. Cecil stopped and pulled Carlos into a hug and a kiss.  
"You are the _best_ hot, scientist boyfriend a radio host could ever wish for."  
"Oh?" Carlos smiled and shook his head slowly. "But I ruined the oven and had to call your friend _chef Harlan_ to come over and make dinner. You did not seem pleased to see him here."  
Cecil shrugged. "It was unexpected, I didn't know you were friends. I really am happy to see you two get along. Earl is important to me, you are important to me. It's great to see you together... like that."  
Carlos frowned. "Like what, honey? He was showing me how to cook something that would not explode."  
Cecil frowned. "Are you telling me you didn't notice?"  
"Notice what?"  
Cecil smiled. "Oh, sweetie you really _didn't_ notice!" He kissed Carlos again. "Earl and I, apparently, have similar tastes. I watched him teach you how to chop and he couldn't take his eyes, or his hands, off you. I mean, neither of you even noticed I was there for ages, you were so busy sizzling."

Carlos's eyes widened, he let his mouth fall open and he shook his head. "No, no Ceece, sweetheart, I wasn't... I didn't... You know there's only you, right? I love you."  
Cecil held Carlos tight and kissed him again. "I know, I know. I love you too! And if you figure out during dinner that you and Earl like each other, well, that's okay. I could cope. Adapt."  
Cecil watched Carlos's puzzled face.  
"Ceece, sweetheart, are you trying to tell me you would tolerate your boyfriend having sex with your friend?"  
Cecil nodded. Something crashed in the kitchen.  
Carlos shook his head. "No, no way. I wouldn't do that even if I could. Honey, I could never be with anyone behind your back like that."  
Cecil took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He rested his head on Carlos's shoulder. "But you do find Earl attractive? It's okay, I do too."  
Carlos hugged Cecil, kissed his ear and laughed. "Logically, in that case, the only solution is that we both ask Earl to stay for a threesome."  
Cecil laughed too, until Earl called through from the kitchen.  
_"As soon as you two have finished discussing who wants to fuck the chef, dinner is ready."_

Cecil hid his face in his hands. Carlos walked out of the room into the hallway, considered continuing right out the front door, down the street and not coming back. He stood facing the inside of the front door until Earl leaned through the living room doorway behind him.  
"Carlos? It's okay. Come and eat. I'll go if you're embarrassed."  
Carlos shook his head. "No, that would be worse. I'm sorry, that was so rude of me. You came to help me out when you really didn't want to and I said all that stuff. Ugh, I'm sorry."  
Earl smiled. "Carlos, I said it's okay. Letting good food go to waste is _not_ okay. Come and eat."

Carlos and Cecil sat in silence opposite each other at the dining table. Earl brought through two plates, set them down and returned to the kitchen. He came back with a third plate and a bottle of wine. He poured then sat.  
Cecil looked at his plate and giggled. "Carlos? Remember our first date?"  
Carlos laughed. "Mushrooms! It was the cheapest thing on the menu and we still came up short. The waiter helped us escape."  
Cecil reddened. Earl stared. "You... ordered, ate then ran? That's terrible!"  
"I had no idea that place was so expensive!" Carlos protested. "I went back a couple of days later to settle up."  
"You never told me that!" Cecil frowned at Carlos. "Why didn't you say? All this time I thought you were some kind of scientific bad-boy."  
Carlos laughed. "You just answered your own question, honey."  
Earl sniggered. "He likes a little danger. Ceece, do you remember that time in high school when I, umm, _borrowed_ the Rewritten History teacher's collection of, um, herbs? And we went..."  
Cecil looked blank. Earl sighed. "I guess not."  
Carlos smiled. "I want to hear that story sometime, Earl. Maybe I'll tell you about the breadsticks incident."  
Cecil squeaked. "Oh you promised never to tell! Carlos!" Carlos laughed.  
"But Earl's a friend. What's the harm in him knowing how much you like--"  
"SHUT UP! Okay, how about I tell Earl about the time you made, ahem, _pancakes_?"  
Carlos laughed. "It was kinda challenging without milk and eggs and flour. You ate them!"  
"Of course!" Cecil smiled. "Because I love you."

The eating, drinking, and increasingly giggly stories continued until Earl pushed his chair back. "Okay, I've almost done packing up my kitchen stuff. I should go."  
"Aw, stay!" Cecil pleaded.  
"We're watching _Paint Your Wagon_ after dinner. I would like you to stay too, if you can." Carlos added.  
Earl sighed. "I should pack up and go. It's your celebration and I really had fun tonight." Earl made eye contact with Carlos and with Cecil, "Really. But Roger is with the babysitter and I can't stay out late. I don't want to leave him for too long, you know? I feel like we're just getting to know each other as family."  
Cecil sighed. "Oh, that's the best reason to go, I suppose. I'll help you pack up. Carlos, sweetie? Would you set up the film?"

Carlos smiled, nodded and took his wine glass into the living room. Cecil piled up plates in an unsteady stack and followed Earl into the kitchen.  
"What needs to be done?"  
"Nothing, Ceece, I just wanted to see you on your own for a minute. You really do love him?"  
Cecil smiled. "Yes! I really do."  
Earl looked at his bags. "Um, that thing you were both talking about. About me. Um."  
Cecil reached out a hand and squeezed Earl's shoulder.  
"Can we forget about that? You were my best friend, I don't want that to change."  
Earl frowned and stared at Cecil. "Of course it has changed! You have Carlos, He is your best friend, your confidante, your lover, everything. I don't fit into your life."  
Cecil touched Earl's cheek. "Silly! Sure Carlos means a lot to me, and I think I mean a lot to him. But how can one person possibly be everything to another person? Earl, I want you in my life." Cecil tapped his empty glass. "Ha! Another glass of this and I'll want you in my bed too." Cecil clamped a hand over his mouth. "Oooh! shit, I said that bit out loud didn't I?"

Earl laughed. "Can I hug you? Oh! Yes, I guess I can." He kissed the top of Cecil's head. "CARLOS! COME GET YOUR BOYfriend oh there you are."  
Carlos grinned. "Cute. How much did he drink? Ooh I bet he sings along with the film. Are you _sure_ you can't stay and duet with Ceece?"  
Earl's eyebrows shot up, he shook his head. "I'm going home. Maybe we can do it some other time."  
Carlos sighed. "Yeah, it's late. You know, we have a spare room. When you come back, you could bring Roger too, and stay. He could sleep in the spare room."  
Earl frowned at Carlos. "But where would I sleep?"  
Carlos shrugged. "Ceece?" Cecil released Earl and took Carlos's hand.  
"We-e-elll, you could pitch a tent in the yard, or there's the sofa, or you could bunk with your son, or... um... Carlos?"  
Carlos smiled. "Ceece, can you wait for your best friend and your boyfriend get to know each other a bit better first, hmm?"


End file.
